some of yall don't have aunties, and it shows

almost 30, no man, no kids, but it's giving...very demure.

Because, why are we telling our business on the internet? And why are we not happy with ourselves?

There’s been a lot of discourse lately about being male-centered, oversharing, and being single, and I feel like so much of this conversation would be settled if y’all aunties gave y’all the game more.

There’s a popular content creator who went viral telling a story about how she moved to another city for a man. In hindsight, her followers realized she renigged on this story, so…in the case of moving to Houston for God… that was a lie. In my head, I’m thinking ok, moving to explore another city because of a man isn’t the worst thing in the world. Girlies do it all the time…but the thing is that they keep it off the internet.

I know I was born in a year starting with 19, so I have a different type of decorum, but I feel like if the girlies had more aunties in their communities, we would have less crashing out in public over a man… and more of the gworls loving their lives in every stage. One thing I remember my late TT telling me was if you’re going to be a hoe, make sure it’s not a sad hoe…because nothing is worse than a hoe that’s hoe’ing…and she’s pounting and sad about it. Nobody has to know what you’re doing…if you keep some things to yourself.

This era of young 20-year-olds is missing out on the natural mystique of life because they’re so consumed with sharing the perfect moment, an aesthetic reel, a photo dump, or story time. Now, I’m no stranger to creating content of course, but I do feel like I’m a bit from the old school. I’m not interested in sharing my Ls in public, sharing my darkest secrets on the internet, or telling my URL besties about me crashing out over a man…no. That’s embarrassing, I get secondhand embarrassment, and that’s what journals and group chats are for.

I recently found out a colleague is in a polyamorous “religious” cult. Reading down her timeline and talking about marriage made me question whether she really got married for love or for financial security ( but do whatever you think is best for you, bookie). Thinking about all this brought me to the realization that many of the girls do not seem to love themselves for real, which I feel like…if you had aunties that poured into you, things would be different!

Everyone has a different life vision, and no journey is linear. Some people from elementary school always imagined themselves as mothers; they’ve had the wedding Pinterest board and always pictured themselves codependent with a man, and nothing is wrong with that. Though I want those things, I just never felt the internal pressure. Any pressure has been external. TikToks and think pieces like this make me ponder…do the girls not see any other values besides those two things, being a wife and a mother? It’s almost as if they’ve never heard that saying that once you stop searching for it, it comes to you.

@meenahmarie @meenahmarie ♬ original sound - Ameenah🩷

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Ever since I was little, I’ve always thought my life was about me and my adventures. I wanted to travel. I wanted to live in a big city. I wanted to be a writer and frolic around and have those experiences. The women around me, like my mama and aunties, told me, number 1, a baby, don’t keep a man, and two, you will forever be responsible for your baby no matter where that man is. There’s always time to be a wife and a mother. Also, they made it very clear that it was not cute to chase behind a man every chance you get.

I want the girls to know there’s so much more to life besides chasing behind a man. Now…I’m not gonna yie…I am can be boy crazy…but again…never in public, always in private. It reminds me of when the ‘Spread Thin’ challenge was trending, and so many girls were telling their deepest, darkest secrets and most embarrassing stories about dealing with a man over Mariah The Scientist’s song. Again…in public, affecting their digital footprint. If I ever did something like that, my tribe would quickly tell me to take that down off Beyonce’s internet. I have people in my circle who will quickly get me together and let me know when I’m doing something foolish, out of line, or when something needs to be private, and that’s what the girls are missing. That made me wonder…do the girls not get embarrassed anymore?

Now that I’m crossing over into TT-land, I want the young hot girls to know that loving yourself is the key to life. It’s the key to looking good, attracting better, and being your best self. Focus on cultivating your own rituals and routines that make you…YOU. When I was growing up, I looked around, and all of the women around me were bomb af. They looked like they took care of themselves, they smelled good, and (looked) like they had their shit together. Clearly, I was obsessed because I’m always talking about modeling myself after these women.

My So-Called-30s

Lately, I’ve been looking around and quickly realized that I was raised well (I mean, in my opinion), and I’ve been very grateful for my mama and the women I had around me. They really cultivated me to be a well-rounded woman with great values, to be an individual, a woman of purpose, and an amazing personality. Being on the wild, wild internet, you learn that some girls were raised by women who chase men for a living and have ramen noodles for brains.

At this point in my life as an almost 30-year-old, do I wish I had a man? Yes, of course. But I’m not panting nor foaming at the mouth for him and begging for attention. While we all want romance and that perfect love story, we can agree that times are different, and this dating era doesn’t look like the movies or feel like 90s R&B. The dating pool seems to have a lot of piss and shit in it, but I think it’s important to be mindful not to be male-centered. It’s not very demure or very cutesy to be obsessed with getting a man. It can come across as…como se dice…desparate. In my opinion, it doesn’t send the right message nor bring in the type of man you really want. I clearly don’t have the tools to catch the right man, but my strategy is to continue focusing on being the best me. he’ll stop me in my tracks, and it’ll be urgent.

My plan as of now (as it’s always been) is to hone in on being the hottest and baddest bitch I can be. I’m obsessing over traveling more, cultivating my dream life, and focusing on my community. Because I’m only focusing on what I can control…and what I can control is not degrading myself on the internet and being in tears over a man who will copy and paste that video in the group chat with a Future quote and embarrass you later. Is that pride or not showing vulnerability? Oh well, so be it.

I get everything I want, but if I so happen to not be a wife in this lifetime, I know I will have myself, my girls, my family, and a plethora of memories that I’m grateful for.

mwah 💋,

— India Monee’

Remember: “Rule number one to be a boss ass bitch; never let a clown nigga try to play you.” -Nicki Minaj

a song that makes me think of the amazing aunties across the world:

Obsessions at the moment:

• Latto’s new album

• My Paris experience

• writing again, this Substack is making me feel alive

• trying new body care products, I’ll share more on my IG