my husband ain't on a dating app

I know it's not his style...

Love Jones, 1997. photo: Pinterest

Because real niggas not on dating apps.

That’s just my opinion. But of course, there are always exceptions to the rule.

…as I’m currently redownloading Hinge for the 115th time…as a real nigga.

Things happen, people are naturally inquisitive, and it’s our norm now. But it just feels so unnatural! Now…I’m not knocking finding your lover on dating apps at all, but when I think about my man, he’s really too cool for that…because I’m too cool for that…I don't know.

I get second-hand embarrassment every time I get an app. Because even though I’m very social, I just don’t like the idea of it. And the type of men I like definitely don’t have that energy. In my mind, swiping right or matching with a man on the interwebs is too close to begging. Why is that?

I’ve tried Hinge…I had no luck and kept seeing people I knew IRL, which was like five-hand embarrassment; Bumble—but this was before it cost to see who liked you and when it was filled with only colonizers; Tinder—when it was really the only dating app we knew about; BLK—which I felt like walking up to any gas station in the hood with a pick me sign; and Facebook Dating, which honestly wasn’t a horrible experience.

how I feel on dating apps

My credibility about dating apps only comes from how they make me feel. I have never met a man from an app and gone out with him. It’s never even made it that far…I get too irritated with the repetitive “wyd,” “How did you sleep beautiful?”, and dead-end conversations. My patience is very low, especially when I don’t know you.

When I think about dating apps, I think about the access, which blows me. It gives me the ick on how any Joe Schmo or Pookie can easily believe he has a chance with me. Not on no cocky stuff, but seriously…the illusions of choices are crazy. On top of that, being seen on the app feels like a type of vulnerability I would rather not have out loud.

Lately, I’ve been forcing myself not to feel like the bad guy because I want effort, thoughtful interactions, intention…and all the things…and that is not a crime. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a bitch or high maintenance or bougie or whatever other description women receive for wanting the bare minimum of what they’re willing to give.

Podcast mics, red pill content, and gender wars aside…I’m talking about wanting real shit. What I want is a genuine partnership, real intimacy, and a comforting bond…and clearly that takes time to find.

Recently, my girlfriends have been finding love, going on more dates, and getting engaged, so Cupid is clearly in my neighborhood. So I hope to soak up some of that air, whether it happens while swiping or at the grocery store...I need it to be real.

Even though they say love is patient, I want it to feel urgent like a motherfucker.