is there someone for a girl with a big personality?
Love Island's Amaya Papaya's authenticity makes me feel seen
Am I too perfect? Because that’s what it’s starting to feel like…
I mean, that really could be the only option.
Is it supposed to be this hard? Because I feel like it shouldn’t be.
For the girls with the big personalities…
I see you. Having all the personality in the world and getting hit with so much backlash.
“You’re too much.”
“You’re extra.”
“You’re a lot.”
“Do you the most.”
Did I forget anything?
It’s not easy being yourself, and it’s not easy at all when you’re full of personality. When you walk in a room full of light and enthusiasm, jokes and banter, why is that so hard for people to handle it? Especially why is it too much for men?
As a young girl, I’ve always had a vibrant personality that I loved about myself, because I knew I was unique. But I recall people picking me apart for being me. Growing up having your light dimmed is something that you forever remember and it always hurts. It’s like damn I can’t be myself?!
If you’re under a rock, and not apart of the Love Island cult, let me explain. Amaya, who’s a Dominican nurse from New York, comes into the villa as one of the first bombshells earlier this season. Love Island is a dating show where a bunch of singles are trying to be coupled up and various bombshells come into the house to test those connections and also try to be coupled.
So when Amaya first came in the house, I did think she was a lot…I’m going to lie, but I think it was more of her being a bombshell trying to secure her spot more than anything. She was excited. It didn’t hit me until my sister pointed out to me that Amaya reminded her of me. I said damn…you right. This girl wakes up in the villa being such a light, like literally just naturally excited about life and the people around her.
To make things short, every guy she gets coupled up with makes her cry, and says she’s “too much.” Ace immediately shuts her personality down telling her not to call him babe, and completely ruins her self esteem to where we can see the effects of it in her other relationships later in the villa. She’s constantly asking the men is she too much, and looking for validation that they are actually into her. Her next couple, Austin talks so much shit behind her back and he hasn’t put in the effort to get to know her on a deeper level so she cut that off. Lastly, she’s paired with Zak, an Asian man from London, who basically at first says he loves her passion and kisses all to flip on her saying he has to take a step back because it’s overwhelming.
The words they used were “intense", “passionate”, “wearing her heart on her sleeve”, said she cried more than needed and she moved too fast for everyone.
God forbid a girl is excited about finding love?!
One day, I recall it being elementary, and I can’t recall the specific situation but I remember a family member saying “India always crying about something,” and it wasn’t the first time. I do remember feeling like something was truly hurting me emotionally. The fact that my feelings were always being suppressed, constantly being told stop crying, and reiterating that how I felt was nothing to cry over really fucked me up in the inside. I told myself from that day I would stop crying…and from then if I needed to cry I would cry alone.
I think that was right around the time I started journaling…
Presently, I have such a difficult time expressing my emotions out loud to another person. It’s hard to put into words, and breaking down that wall of vulnerability because I know I’m passionate and feel so deeply and I always feel like I’m too much. Like nobody can handle my big emotions and my big personality.
When I meet someone new, I’m always me but I’m never my full self. I dilute my personality like it’s a diet pop or a can of Coke zero just to temperature check if that person can really handle all of me.
So what are the girls supposed to do?! It sucks.
But what I admired is that she doesn’t run away from it. Amaya really stood up and said it’s her strength and sometimes she’s the book that someone should be reading and that’s ok. I thought that was perfect.
Sometimes I even question do they even like girls these days? We can’t be too excited now, we can’t show too much expressions too early, can’t be too available, or any of all the other countless shit that men make up when you’re radiant and filled with sparkles.
So this is for the Amaya Papayas of the world…we never said we were perfect, we never said we had any flaws…but at least we’re pretty and a little funny!
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I do question whether someone will ever be able to handle all of my personality, enjoy it, and cherish it. Whoever he is will have to be confident and ready; I refuse to settle for being tolerated just for a cuddle.
Because if I’m too much, you’re not enough and you can always be with your fav boring bitch and play it safe. :)
Yes there is! Now let me go read this full post 🤣.
We love our personality girlies!!