Dear 2015-2024, thank you. 💋

Kissing my 20s goodbye....one month into my 30s...

Why does turning 30 feel like thee most significant milestone birthday?

On one hand, I wasn’t scared to turn 30 because I’ve always been the “mom friend”…I felt like my age would finally match my vibe. As the eldest daughter…there’s always some adultification. The older women that I grew up around, I was always obsessed with them…so I was kinda excited to be “real grown.”

Then, on the other hand, I was shitting bricks and running, trying to cross everything off my 30 before 30 list. Why? I literally don’t know. Turning 30 feels like unlocking a certain level of adulthood that you must be prepared for. In the middle of my running myself into the ground, I decided to stop everything and just take time to reflect.

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I can say that I lived life. I did everything that I wanted to do, for real, for real. “Don’t ask permission, just ask forgiveness” is something I heard for the first time in The Calm by Drake. It came out in high school, but it’s a line that I felt like as a people pleaser; it forced me to just go for what I want without thinking about other people’s opinions.

My 20s were truly a decade of my very own eat, pray, love journey. I went to college, moved across the country with my best friend, traveled to many places, and really had the chance to explore who I was and who I wanted to be.

When I think of my favorite era, I can’t help but think about 2016. I just turned 21, all of my friends were graduating college while I was a junior…so that year I turnt up. I was sleeping on my friend’s couch that summer, paying her in toilet paper and $200 so I could stay in Houston for my internship. March Madness, Bad and Boujee, and Controlla, were blasting at every function. I was on a plane every month, I was chasing a dream, and really living blissfully. Really having my way with life.

Thinking back on the past 10 years, I’m so proud of myself for choosing me every time. Nothing has ever been perfect, and when I think about it,…nine times out of 10, things didn’t go my way, but it all came together in an imperfect adventure…my unique story. I’ll never forget telling my parents I was moving to the DMV. They thought I was crazy and being very irrational. I was working overnights in pop radio, barely making minimum wage. I told him within the next 2-3 months, I would be packing my bags and moving with my best friend. To say my mama was irate would be an understatement. In true parent fashion, they wanted to know my plan…of course, the one I had at twenty-three years old…was half-baked. Moving across the country and figuring it out put so much confidence into my life and it gave me the experience I needed to be me.

Getting the travel bug really has inspired me to live a full life. I contribute that to one of my mentors in college and also tuning out other people’s fears. When I graduated and got my degree, my gift to myself was a week in Mexico. Of course when I did it without consulting with my family, I got all types of kick back. But I chose me, and it was the best decision. It erased the anxiety of me not making my own decisions, trusting my gut, celebrating myself, and stepping out on faith no matter if the noise was loud…even if the noise loved me.

If I had to tell my 20 somethings self anything, it would be keep doing you, and I’m proud of you. I did that shit honestly. Looking back I wish I didn’t overthink so much but I really did go after it. I went for every chance that I wanted, I went for mostly every risk, I stayed true to myself, and look at me now. I love me and the memories I’ve built. Even though life may not look as a I thought it would exactly, it’s blossoming and being created to exactly how I want. I get to figure it out as I go, sometimes without a plan…even though it’s hard, there’s creativity and beauty in this journey. I literally lived so many lives. I’ve reinvented myself a million times. I’ve tried over and over again. I’ve loved, I’ve cried, and got heartbroken. And I’m so happy that I kept going.

Making officially 30 days into my 30th year, I’m excited to see how this new decade will be. I’m nervous, but yet excited for a new adventure and more memories to look back on. In this decade, I want to be more intentional and strategic, versus doing things for the plot. (Even though I am already very strategic and will never completely give up on the plot.) I want to go for more of what I want out of life with the same enthusatism and energy as I had at 21.

As I’ve gotten older, I have noticed that I have lost a little of my sparkle because of adulting and life. But I don’t want that. I want to spend less time on my phone and focus on creating more. I want to overthink less, and do more. I want to let my guard down *only some*, and strengthening my faith, spiritually and within myself.

In my 30s I have no choice but to up the sexy. They will more more intentional, even more beautiful, and a better version of me. I’m excited to see that girl woman.

Cheers to being that bitch again in a new decade, and being better than ever. Beccause it’s only up from here.