One thing I love to do when I’m by myself is watch music videos. Usually, YouTube does a great job of having a bomb-ass playlist of songs. Depending on my mood is where I start, and it could be anywhere between Chris Brown and Phyllis Hyman—a huge ass range…right.
On this particular day, I was cleaning the inside of my refrigerator, so you already know the spring cleaning vibes was in full effect. I have on my cheetah print purple rubber gloves, washing the inside of my fruit drawer, when I heard the beat sashay in…I instantly got excited.
It was Take You Out by Luther Vandross.
I’ll never forget when I first heard this song. I had got a mixtape from the beauty shop from the local CD man, and I remember the cover was blue, and it was on there. It had to be 2001, around when it was released, because that song was everywhere, and I was six and obsessed. I played that mixtape out on my pink girl power boombox.
On top of that, Fancy being in the video just did it for me because of course, she was so fine, and come on…in the video he took her from being a waitress to being in a mansion with a pool. The storytelling in music videos back then were top-notch. The song not only sparked a run of nostalgic music, not only did I go down a Lutha rabbit hole watching his recent documentary, but it led me to think…damn…niggas not begging no more!
Instantly, I screenshotted the lyrics to my homeboy and complained about how the men are not begging, do not have the same passion, nor the urgency as they did back in the day. Even in college the boys were thirsty to buy you a drink just to talk to you in the club. What happened to that!?
Anyway…the second verse is my favorite because his desire for this girl overshadowed the possibility of being embarrassed or rejected, and that’s what’s missing in not only the music from men in 2025 but even in real life.
"Don't care if I get rejected
At least then I won't regret
Regret the fact I missed the chance for romance, at least
I'll walk away knowing, I tried my best and I'm going
I'm going on with my day
'Cause at least she heard me say…
When I press play on my feelings playlist, I’m not going to lie…the songs by men are mostly from the 2000s. I’m not saying that there isn’t current music where men are singing about love, however comma, I feel like it’s not as common, and it’s still not translated into real life.
So what’s tea? What are the girls supposed to do? Because me—personally, I ain’t missed or been impressed by a nigga for many of moons. It’s almost as if being in love is a rare sighting.
Because I would like a negro to beg for it even though I was going to say yes anyway. Just as Raphael Saadiq said, “Kissin' you is not enough for me,” it’s not. I want a man to “wish that [he] could take a journey through [my] mind, and find emotions that [I] always try to hide,” just like Joe wondered. Next really understood my relationship goals when they said, “you're like my homie, my shorty, you've shown me so many things and you're so special to me,” because I want us to be friends to our core. I don’t think it’s that hard because clearly Ruff Endz understood it easily. “All you need is someone who cares, someone who will always be there,” like yes duh. Even DMX was standing on business behind shorty during an affair…”I'm getting at shorty like what you need? What you want? Want for nothing 'cause I got you…”
(those are all the videos that came up while writing this.)
The blueprint is there…it’s not hard. The girls want to be yearned for. Be obsessed with me. It seems like it was so easy in every other generation but ours.
Is it because we’ve moved into this individualistic society? Who’s to blame? Is it the City Girls? Or is loving somebody embarrassing because we don’t want to be embarrassed first? You know what…it’s that damn phone…
Either way…can I get a hard reset? Or I’ll be forced to date somebody who’s 50 and from that era…
And I really don’t want to.
I made a playlist for this.
but literally…buy me a drink
Omg. Wow. Especially when you break down the song lyrics?! bring back yearning please and thank you
Felt all of this so heavy. Why are you not crying and standing outside my house with a boombox???